date: Saturday, June 12, 2004 @ 12:43 am
title: Re: Report Card
After the camp, my life has became miserable and filled with a lot of remorse. However, a good thing to note is that something changed in my life. Usually, the church returned from a church retreat will be on fire and very enthusiasm about their experience.
But not this time. I didn't catch the fire but it has decreased. It is like my faith has lessen but became concentrated. My wineskin become smaller but thicker. It is like my wineskin is full but i have to stretch it to contain more, more concentrated faith; rather some smoky woo-zzy faith that will disperse as time passes. The feeling is so concentrated that i want to make it more than just being contained. My job is to like stretch that wineskin of mine to contain more of God's faith in my life.
The most astounding part of all, is that every conversations i have with my friends ends with, ' you want to come to my church?' it has became so natural and tip of my tongue. Apparently, all got declined and rejected. sometime i'm wander y they always have sufficient excuses to go around and usually is, 'sorry, that timing i have tuition' or 'it's too far from my home'. As it is always me, myself and again myself.
Taking the example fo the Red Rain concert, people whom i had and has sown, all replied me couldn't go because it's christian or that day my church got something on or i need to study. Come more!! RED RAIN i speaking about, something i assume many churches or their church are missing out. Good stuff coming on their way but they don't want. Sometimes, i wanted so badly to go to them and hit them on their faces, telling them their churches are not walking with God and they are missing the ride of their life... I just can't understand why they can't see that i didn't choose to go to their church because i found a church that i can grow, an environment where God is.
This made me to hate them and feel sad for them with love, i know that they don't know what is their purposes in life, which makes me wanting to kidnap them and bring them to church. Just now, i was in distress why God makes my life so sad, everyone i see immediately i have the sense of purposeless in their life. Every person i sow with love, time and money, i didn't see any results. You can say i'm a impatient person, which is true sometimes when i gave my best. I know to receive God's anointing needs patient and faith (its written in the bible). I want results... sadly, God told the church before about a time to come and all will be seen and revival will come.
When i was on my way home, a thought of if now is the real Joshua's period, as if God is really a 'i-don't-care-you-disobey-then-die' God, i will be more than glad. People will be so afraid of God that they will believe in God. But... it comes back to the Book of Hebrew. The whole book is about how Jesus sacrificed with his blood to redeem for our sins. It also spoke abt the people and preist kept on sacrifice the blood of the animals to atone for thier sins, which will remind them about their past sins again. They could not cross over the blessing they have and always remained the same. That extra blessing is not liberated. Considering the extra blessing... i rather to have the choice given to follow the cross and excel, rather to obey to stay alive and recevie a some old blessing. think back, people who are given a choice to follow will tend to keep to their loyalty and will not complaint as they have made the decision themselves, so blame no one. Just like Moses and the Isralite, they were 'forced' to follow what Moses said and they complaint all the time when troubles or their comfort were not met.
Really, i feel that i'm really like a SanPhle... crazy crazy one. Back to topic, my dad's b-day was on last thursday and i didnt give him a present but i gave him a Word. It's in Hebrews 13:1-8, if my mind serves me right. Yar, very good one for him, may God bless him with it. Just to conclude, i dont know but i think the camp really changed my attitude, but i need more discipline to be better.
